not our own understanding

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, for they will refresh your soul. They are like jewels on a necklace. They keep you safe on your way, and your feet will not stumble.

You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security.

He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

- excerpts from Proverbs 3 (NLT)

freedom

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial. Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.

So you may eat any meat that is sold in the marketplace without raising questions of conscience. For “the earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”

If someone who isn’t a believer asks you home for dinner, accept the invitation if you want to. Eat whatever is offered to you without raising questions of conscience. (But suppose someone tells you, “This meat was offered to an idol.” Don’t eat it, out of consideration for the conscience of the one who told you. It might not be a matter of conscience for you, but it is for the other person.) For why should my freedom be limited by what someone else thinks? If I can thank God for the food and enjoy it, why should I be condemned for eating it?

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Don’t give offense to Jews or Gentiles or the church of God. I, too, try to please everyone in everything I do. I don’t just do what is best for me; I do what is best for others so that many may be saved.

- "The First Letter to the Corinthians", Paul of Tarsus

this is a little long, but so worth the read

My child, listen to what I say, and treasure my commands. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of the just and protects those who are faithful to him.

Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.

Wisdom will save you from evil people, from those whose words are twisted. These men turn from the right way to walk down dark paths. They take pleasure in doing wrong, and they enjoy the twisted ways of evil. Their actions are crooked, and their ways are wrong.

Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman. She has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God. Entering her house leads to death; it is the road to the grave. The man who visits her is doomed. He will never reach the paths of life.

Follow the steps of good men instead, and stay on the paths of the righteous. For only the godly will live in the land, and those with integrity will remain in it. But the wicked will be removed from the land, and the treacherous will be uprooted.

- Proverbs 2 (NLT)

monday reflections

Been thinking about community. What/Who/Where is my dominant community? What does it mean to live in community?

*****

The weekend has been pretty eventful. The PJGH community welcomed back 2 close friends after their 2-year stint in the UK, and it was great spending time with them over the weekend. It's funny how it feels like we all just picked up from where we left things the last time. Has it really been 2 years??

*****

An eventful weekend made for random noodle and ikan bakar nights; dessert chillaxes with a view; passing on the temptation to sleep in on a wet Saturday morning for the sake of melt-in-your-mouth siew yoke in downtown Kay-El; 8 second zapped Krispy Kreme glazed donuts...and nuts; sipping drinks at a Rich Pappa's crib; more ikan bakar still; enriched chocolate catchups with an 'old' good friend.

I'm tired.

*****

I'm tired.

I'm really tired of the last I-don't-know-how-many weeks.

I have been reminded to "be still". Tough it is. But still I try. Because I know that I've done my part. And because there really isn't much else that I can do now but pray. And hope.

I hope you realise that the ball is really in your court now. So are you gonna play or what? I'm still waiting.

being human

"If it makes you happy, I'll confess to you - I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm sick." - Rip Darren, Six Who Died

"I need you. You need me." - CPK sharing on the body of Christ (1 Cor 12)

*****

I laugh. I cry. I worry. I yearn. I hurt. I rejoice. I feel.

I too am only human.

Like you.

unexpected insights

I think I now understand better where you were coming from when you posted those words on 13 March 2008. It's funny how I never saw things from that perspective until recently.

I regret that I never had the chance to talk to you about what happened back then and was fed information which represented only the side of the story that wasn't yours. I guess it took me to hop on the same boat that you were once on, in order for me to see things from your vantage point.

I think I understand now. I think.

EDIT: If you think I'm referring to you, I'm not.

*****

1 month. How many more?

*****

Spotted on a friend's FB wall...
"Forgiveness can be unilateral; reconciliation is always mutual."

*****

I'm tired and I need sleep. ZZZzzzZZZzzz...

2

TWICE in the span of about a month simply sucks.

The white Viva makes its appearance again.

r-r-r-random

A traffic accident involving you. Sad conversations. Standing beside some lalang watching people play football in some random field. C&S group. Zombies invading C&S group. Zombies that look like normal human beings but are not. Guns. Running low on ammo. A warehouse. Running. Running some more. Bright lights.

I opened my eyes and picked up my phones. It was just a dream. And I was very late for work.

reflecting

The weekend was bittersweet.

Things are still pretty much status quo. I thought I saw a glimmer of hope early Sunday morning. But I guess I know better these days that it's sometimes better to be a pessimist. You make it look so easy. Effortless. But I'm not you. And I find it difficult to smile when...

Worship on Sunday was a panacea to the soul. Thanks Benny.

A picture painted of God's redemptive love // Draw me close. Soar above the storm. Our one unchanging constant. Victory // Welling up. Flowing down. Quivering. Choking. Standing. In awe.

CPK's sermon was inspiring. But sad. To love the LORD with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. To love our neighbour as ourselves. How far have we missed the point. I wondered if...

*****

3 Sundays have passed since.
A lot more has happened in between.
And I still don't know what, when, why, how...

27 July 2009

My personal Black Monday.

A day when everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

Emmanuel

When the darkness fills my senses
When my blindness keeps me from Your touch
Jesus, come

When my burden keeps me doubting
When my memories take the place of You
Jesus, come

Jesus, come.

come to the water

You said You'd come
And share all my sorrows
You said You'd be there
For all my tomorrows
I came so close to sending You away
But just like You promised
You came there to stay
I just had to pray

And Jesus said, "Come to the water
Stand by my side
I know you are thirsty
You won't be denied
I felt every teardrop
When in darkness you cried
And I strove to remind you
That for those tears I died"

Your goodness so great
I can't understand
And dear Lord, I know
I know You're here now
And always will be
Your love loosed my chains
And in You I'm free
But Jesus, why me?

Jesus, I give you
My heart and my soul
I know that without you
I'd never be whole
Saviour, You opened
All the right doors
And I thank You and praise You
From earth's humble shores
Take me - I'm Yours

- Marsha Stevens

wait

1.30 am.

3 hours and counting...

Surviving on Guinness and fries in my tummy.

And still I wait.

something's up

It's not that I WANT something to be wrong. It's just that I SENSE something is wrong.

And IF something really is wrong, then I think we should acknowledge it and then try to fix it.

Because I can't do it alone.

a blank

Life's tough. Life's unfair. Life's a roller coaster.

Live with it.

month

Goodbye May.

You've been too long. Too tiring. Too volatile.
You've given me hope only to crush it underfoot.

I wish I could crush and throw you into the fire.


It rained today. Outside and within my deepest recesses.




Hello June.

Please be kind.

wishful thinking

Quote:
A habit of mankind to entrust to careless hope what they long for, and to use sovereign reason to thrust aside what they do not desire.

Form:
I want P to be true.
Therefore, P is true.


I don't know whether to laugh or throw up.

ps 73

Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.
They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.
Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.

From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
They scoff, and speak with malice;
in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.
They say, "How can God know?
Does the Most High have knowledge?"
This is what the wicked are like—
always carefree, they increase in wealth.

Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning.
If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
I would have betrayed your children.
When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me
till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.

Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise,
O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge.
I will tell of all your deeds.

a new day has come

It's a new day and it feels as though the 'Reset' button has just been hit and we've booted up on a brand new operating system. It's familiar ground, yet also terra nova. Newer versions are usually known to be better than their predecessors. Let's just hope the bugs have been fixed!

On a somewhat related note, I missed out on my usual nap on the train this morning because I couldn't get a seat. But that gave me the opportunity to catch a glorious sunrise as the train journeyed on from PJ towards KL. The sky was bathed of brilliant hues of orange, gold and violet. Cirrus clouds danced in graceful swirls. The rays of the rising sun slowly pierced through the darkness like knives pointing out in all directions. Mesmerising.

And to top it off, I saw a rainbow while walking from the train station to my office building. Nice.

Reminders of Your grace. Reminders of a God who loves. A God who redeems.



It's a new day.
And the day is B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.

messy

Twisted, mangled, convoluted thoughts.
Fumbling over slippery stones.
Spilling hesitant words.

Seeking to always seek the good of the other.
Seeking to temper truth with grace.
Seeking to forgive and forget.
Seeking to love.

I'm still holding on.
Not wanting this chapter to slip away into history like the rest.